In which we learn basic arctic survival skills.
I know I've hinted at this in the past, but let me put it very plainly. It's REALLY cold here. Last time we checked I think it was roughly a million degrees below zero.
Because of this, it's important that you take certain precautions to survive.
For Owen, we've discovered that sitting up is definitely something that could give him that all important edge in the fight for life here in the frozen Siberian north. (Actually, I think we're really in the Siberian Midwest, but that doesn't have the same ring.)
Owen demonstrates for you, at left, the clever tri-pod maneuver first perfected by... I don't know. Some arctic explorer. With the exception of the repeated nose dives, he does this perfectly.
Mom and Dad, who have generally perfected sitting up, have moved on to some of the other key components to survival.
The first is watching your time in the shower. Here in the glacial cold, a wet body can freeze to death in seconds. That's why we're a little nonchalant about showers. You can see in today's family photo my demonstration of how people can look just as presentable without regular bathing as with. There are probably places in New York where the unwashed bedhead look would cost you top dollar. My version was free.
Next on the list of key survival requirements you'll find the laptop. Seriously, how could people possibly function here without it? It is our stereo, our television, our phone and our gaming system (because we couldn't possibly be expected to play solitaire with cards).
Industrious Robin (look: She has combed hair and everything!) has even caught up on some work. Of course, she has help. You can see the picture at left of Owen critiquing her First Monday meta-tagging schema. He has quite the eye for technology and has edited many of the journal entries you see here.
(You wouldn't believe the grammatical errors he finds. It's embarrassing for me, really.)
Finally, the last key to survival in the hinterlands is the maintenance of a warming layer of blubber. Robin and I have learned to live off the land here and have discovered that M&Ms, chocolate candy bars and cake provide natural insulation against the bitter cold.
Fortunately we've discovered an M&M mine that packages these treasures in buckets rather than the smaller and less functional bags you find at home. And the M&Ms here are much superior than what you can get at home-- about 900% fewer preservatives. Trust us. We've eaten about six buckets of these. We know.
Sadly, we'll have to share the cake. We're having a dinner party this evening to teach all the new American couples the importance of eating piles of carbohydrates. There'll be about ten of us gobbling down some of those delicious hot pies that they deliver and a bunch of slices of that cake.
Thank Heavens we were here! Those poor people might have starved without us.
